OH MY GOD! and speaking of god i really must thank him. and who decided that god was a 'him' anyway? oh nevermind.

OH MY GOD! I GOT 61 FOR MY FRENCH! I BEAT BELINDA, ADA AND NICOLE!!!!! O.H. M.Y. G.O.D!! I PASSED! THAT'S RIGHT, Pee, Aye, aSs, aSs, Eeee, Dee!!! PASSED! I HOPED I WOULD GET 54 BUT IN THE END I GOT...... 61!!!!!

THIS IS SUCH AN ACHIEVEMENT! a great way to start the week too, tho. extremely happy. i've got all the x factor vids in my comp, but i somehow feel that to get the whole atmosphere of it all, i should download the whole show. so that's what im doing right now through 'utorrent'.

and i just have to simply work EXTREMELY HARD for physics so i dont fall below average. or else there will be nothing to back me up...

and i NEED to get a 25/30 for math to get an A1!!! or else, i'll be dragging the whole sy down, cause everybody already has got an A1, except me. it is DAM FUNNY. i checked the class minimum. 71. i checked my score. 71. HOLY SHIT IM THE LOWEST IN CLASS! lol so yeah, im probs gunna work EXTREMELY EXTREMELY hard for math too!

subjects i am VERY close to AVERAGE. lang arts and geography. above average and needs to be maintained, physics. i really wanna get my three subjects average! i wanna stay in SY! so yes, i must work hard!

been passing notes almost the whole day with cheng mun. cause we dont want any more complaints from teachers about us talking in class. cheng mun's collecting everything we talk and filing them together under a section called 'memories of 2008. passing notes in class' hahaha!

gym class was humiliating. i scratched the male teacher's nose. that china guy. so when i said 'sorry' he dint get me, and got a lil pissed at me. i dont know why. aren't guys supposed to be a little more generous and open? guess he's a little petty about his nose! hahaha.

problems with piramol. trying to solve them. hard time trying to solve them. i look like the baddie, christine looks like the angel cause she's trying to patch up. but i have my way of things. i go like how people treat me, i treat them the same. molly wants to be an idiot to us, im being sorta the same to her. if she becomes better and talks to us, i do the same! i dont wanna look like some pathetic shit begging her. but i do understand why christine is doing this. she doesn't want any enemies. but i dont mind, tho. not the enemies thing.

overall its a great day. besides the fact that tomorrow is the physics test and i need to do well. i CANNOT get below average or else i will TOTALLY cry.

i think never in the whole terrible week, which ends today have i felt so terrible today.

i went to check the E-progress thing on how im doing in class. i always thought im roughly average in class, and holy shit to my bloody shock im actually way below for everything except lang arts and physics. just plunged into some self-denial thing.

and then my mum started off saying "well, its fine. just try a lil harder"

i was a little comforted by it. but in the freaking end, she ended up the same. pressurizing me more, then what is the point of comforting me with her bloody fake comment?! 'well its fine just try a lil harder'?!?! i mean she barely means it. she asked me why was my history so poor i just said that its not about studying, its about inferring. and she said ' oh so your classmates are better at inferring?' fucking S.T.O.P comparing me to the class!!

and here comes rachel ang, being as extra as she is, quarreling with me over her character which in her opinion is perfect. long story.

all in all, its just the worst day of a bad week. and if every week were to be as 'eventful' as this one, i'd rather just.. i dont know..

but tonight im going to pray. and ask for direction on where to go. because i've lost my way. and i dont know how to carry the week on. its been a long time since i've asked for directions and seeked for an answer. how arrogant i was.

its been like a SUUUUPER UBER busy week!

let's see, four tests. lang arts, chinese, french, and geog! and i dint even remember there was geog because i was so wrapped up in french and chinese! lang arts went pretty well, i guess? or i may have failed, i dunno. with ms choo, i'll probs be getting like an uber low mark, but not failing! cause she described the one person that failed as THREE QUESTIONS ONE PAGE. like who the hell writes that short huh? luckily i wrote like so long just that it was mostly crap.

french test i think i'll pass! IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF! I ACTUALLY STUDIED SOOOOOO HARD FOR IT! and i did get very stressed up about it, got frustrated with belinda, made ada late for class because she was comforting me. awwww, how sweet. and i studied till TWELVE MIDNIGHT! I BROKE ME RECORD, FINALYYYYYYY! i have never in my entire life studied until twelve! i always wrap up at like.. say, 10.30? whooooo!

having an argument with the fucking stubborn and arrogant rachel ang which i cannot stand because she's the black sheep of deep shit in sy. and she even says that she needs no changing anymore cause she thinks she's perfectly fine. WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT?!?! i mean nobody is perfect, but that's why people reflect on themselves! TO CHANGE FOR THE BETTER, FUCKER!

i am so pissed. its been a long time since i've sweared this much. and she's a bloody bimbo. or ah lian. or twit. i dont know what's the diff, with her around.

and i've been so freaking busy this week! next week already have THREE tests confirmed! monday, tuesday and i dont know what day. andand I BROUGHT MY TROMBONE HOME! AWESOOOOOOOOOOOOME!

added ms choo on facebook. pretty shock. i dont think she's read my profile. cause its horrific. AND I HATE TWITS BTW! lol random.

i cannot believe how many ah lians there are in singapore. and that is SOOOO EXACTLY why im migrating to london when i grow up! and i do know the cons of it all.

but, oh well. and i have just decided and told lauran and chevelle how i want my future boyfriend to propose to me:D:D:D

i want him to bring me to a posh restaurant in london. well duh, in london since he's english. anw, and singing "cant help falling in love" in chinese! on stage! and then getting down on one knee and proposing to me infront of everybody.

i just realised that im more of the oldies genre of music compared to my friends. i mean i dont listen much to oldies, but i know more than my friends. which is sad cause i barely know much.

and i find it an insult to other track and fielders when leanne said that i was amazing on the track. im not fast! i mean sure, above average. its just that everybody during the band running thingy was slacking. im sure if they dint slack i wouldn't have been so far ahead. i mean YAY its been a long time since i've received such a good comment, but there are so many people faster than me!!!!!!! so i need to train my speed, AND WIN FOR BAND! which is pretty impossible with people in netball in basketball who will pawn my ass.

and i have no time to link emily and wenyuan and janine, because this has taken up all my free time! SORRY!

the cheryl is back! the ORIGINAL cheryl is back!!
after months or detouring here and there i am finally back where i am.

For the past few months, i've been pretty lost. but today during computer lesson, i regained my full self and eunice said "the way you laugh ah.. its like the cheryl i knew at the start" and i thought to myself, yeah im back.

so its pretty kewl.

and i haven't blogged in the longest time ever, i know.

during computer lesson, i was telling eunice all about my bro and stuff, we have decided to write something on his dramatic love life. its so sad, although i dint tell eunice all about it. it really is, what an interesting life my bro leads man.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAH MY BRO IS SO PRO AT THE DRUMS, on youtube: type a tout le monde triplets and it proves it all!!

I can't stress enough to say how important is religion is to me.
it has played an EXTREMELY big part of my life. without it, my life would be totally different.

vincent has once again, showed me the truth. i am deeply touched. i have no idea. i am ashamed. i ought to be, what faith do i have? what brains do i think i have? why have i been so arrogant all along.

what faith did i think i always have. that god is the one and i truly believe in him and i know his word? no that's not all. that's not even faith. and vincent asked me to ask god for revelations. i shall do that.

from now on i wanna be a changed person. i want to live in christ, and no longer by myself.

this is a period where my life totally changes. and what happens is up to me.

i have some brains about that.

when people talk about the end of the world is coming SOON. the world just aint gonna end in 10 years. when they say SOON it means probably... say.. a lil less than a 100 years? and yes the end of the world is coming soon i believe.

i will probably not live to see it. how sad based on christian beliefs. but whatever. i dont wanna talk about the end of the world although i know a little on it. some people just know A LIL info and they wanna start crapping. i know A LOT based on a sec 1 brain but compared to others, i am just a meagre portion. so i shan't show off(:

AND OMG IM STARTING TO LOVE FRENCH I REALLY AM! I EVEN WENT TO THE MOELC CENTRE LIBRARY TO BORROW FRENCH BOOKS! HOW COOL IS THAT!! AHAHAHA

french test on mercredi 26 mars 2008. which means wednesday 26 march 2008 .AHHHHH IM GUNNA DIE! I CANT EVEN READ SNOW WHITE MAN.

J'aime francais!

you know school's reopening. i always LOVED SCHOOL, like really. and i WAS looking forward to school. but now i dont think so.
i've been away for like one week, its gonna be hell. i haven't exactly re-powered enough or PLAYED ENOUGH! AHHHHHH.

and today is the day, i've put ALL obstacles infront of myself again. piano aural, french, geography. EVERYTHING! oh no, how am i going to live life.
sad.

nonono, I AM HAPPY. I AM SUPPOSED TO BE PHLEGMATIC! LIKE MS CHOO WOULD SAY! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
you know i have this weird problem of talking ta people. i just feel all weird and nervous that i would run out of things to say and there would be awkwardness. now that is not something people would say about me. people think i have SO MUCH to say. but i do, just that as a group.

when friends are like just hanging out in a bunch of 5. i have lots to say. talk and talk like no ones business. tuition too. but just one to one? i have no idea why i dont like it :S

shit im weird. today i had tuition with jack! AHHHH. did algebraic equations which i seriously couldn't do. and jack started the whole ego thing with me. which i dint feel too great about. well oh well. and then i met up with my bro in j8 and we went to church together! late.

lol dorcas and I were like in the car with titus her bro. and dorcas bought clothes for her build-a-bear thing on her birthday and it was spaghetti stripes and there was this white string hanging out. meant for the hanger but to test titus reaction i asked dorcas to say "korkor, is this a bra or what?" and she said it. titus was SPEECHLESS. stunned that dorcas would say that, no idea why. ahahahahahaha.

I am, actually, for the first time in MY ENTIRE LIFE, starting to fall for rock! i think i always loved pop music.

rock is DEFINITELY NOT fall out boy. fall out boy is SOO punk. my chemical romance is probably rock but i dont listen to it. linkin park is mainstream. QUEEN is rock!! FOO FIGHTERS is rock!! AC/DC is rock!! GUNS N ROSES is ROCK!

you know today i've been analysing lots of stuff really. too much that i forgot! hahahahahaha.
today i took a personality test, not that i believe in it.
they said i was volatile, I AM NOT VOLATILE! IM IMPLOSIVE. which i know is a bad thing
they said i was impulsive. which is true.
they said people think im full of life and wild.
they said people are attracted to me by the excitedness that radiates all around me.
they said im adventuresome.

you know what, I SOUND LIKE A BRAINLESS FREAK. really. like those who only know how to play, and you know, well... brainless! oh no, i dont like that. not ONE bit. what, am i THAT not intellectual? molly said intelligent just wouldn't fit me. WHAT. witty probably would. dammit, intelligent wouldn't fit me?!?! haha well its true. lol, how contradictory.

i feel inferior today. SY is filled with people FULL of talent. some are extremely good in studies. some are SO good at drawing, like christine and chevelle. some people are so good in netball like rachel goh. some people are just good at everything like belinda. some people are SO likeable and gentle like natalie teo. some people are so friendly and just attractive like sarah mow.

then what about me? what makes me.
i talked this out with my bro.
he said that i was wild and fun and funny.
no, that's not enough!
lots of people have that trait!
well not exactly wild but this is QUITE a common trait found!
what makes me, i wonder.
this sucks, i no longer feel different. waaaargh

haha something that cheered me up, eugene and I were quarrelling, he said that english people(basically americans and british) are crap. I GOT SO ANGRY, im not called mrs caucasian for nothing uh hummm! and i said no, they can act, like orlando bloom, halle berry, brad pitt(personal fav), they can sing and won lots of grammys, like whitney houston, celine dion, mariah carey, christine aguilera, kelly clarkson, carrie underwood, amy winehouse, josh groban, andrea bocelli. AND HE SAID WHO THE HELL ARE THEY!!! ARGH. and i said the most famous bands of all times, WESTLIFE DUH. the beatles, the eagles, guns n roses, queen, whatever! ranging from oldies(which i love) to modern they're all ground breaking freaking records.

well that really didn't cheer me up. nevermind oh well?
i think im seriously turning obnoxious.

I guess i grew up immaturely and always the hard way.
i always lied, cheated, and was cunning. and i thought mummy hated me for that, so i thought i was no.1 hate figure in the family. i thought mummy was always trying to outsmart me so i would always tell aunty nur "she want to be cunning? i will be more cunning"

and because of that, i always had to be on my toes, watching out. all because i was always lying. always trying to smuggle my way through things. and as a result, i've become a very cautious person. cautious of a lot of people and just generally life. cautious towards my steps in life. i always thought no one is protecting me, i have to do the job myself.

by the time i grew to pri. 5 or so and realised i was wrong, it was all too late. everything that had happened had changed me. i am a changed person each day. wary of people around me and what they're saying, weary or people watching me and just weary towards everybody. i cant open up anymore. this is the furthest i can go, i keep telling myself. i only opened up to Dorcas and korkor, i've never been so open.

and i think that's also why im so happy around them. because i dont have to be weary, i really dont. i can spill any beans i want to and lay my cards on the table clear and visible. nothing stops me. i'm a conflict personality. i am SO open about what i say and what i do at home. but i dont want people to see me right through. i am SO open about everything that happens but i dont want anybody to know how i feel. its conflict, what a brave inner conflict i have?

i think im beginning to become melancholic. i think everybody WOULDN'T describe me as sanguine but instead phlegmatic. im extremely laid back, and too happy-go-lucky. well at least that's how friends would describe me. im not laid back. i care A LOT about a lot of things happening around me, Dorcas, my family, my friends, the EARTH!! lots of things, i just dont put studies as first priority. not like eunice ;D.

i think vincent is right, im shallow. very shallow compared to him. but oh well.. i think i think deep too much, at this rate i'll be american emo-hero!! NOOOOOOOO!!

and i guess i was wrong about christine, she wasn't aiming at me about the stoical thing, it was just a remark. i guess once again, im paranoid and over-cautious.

ummmmm, the last few days i would say as rather boring? nono, INTERESTING, i remember now!

saturday, went on the SINGAPORE FLYER!! whoohoooo! it was interesting and FUNNY. went with 28 church members, mainly cell group. the capsule above ours was as crowded, with a woman in mini skirt facing her arse down, and guess what! I COULD SEE EVERYTHING! mwahahahah, it was SO FUNNY! dorcas and I laughed pervertedly hard. went to tell yihan and yixin who also laughed like shit.

sunday, as i reflect. it basically a SPOILER to the amazingly interesting yet hard week i've had. it ended with A BAD HEADACHE AND LOTS OF VOMITING. oh god, i wouldn't bother to describe man.

today I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO FOR A BAND CAMP! but nooooo, i was sick!! and i couldn't attend. i hate missing out on stuff, shit.

and now i feel terribly cold. terrible and cold. yes, i do. just downloaded saturday night takeaway, just watched it. its HILARIOUS MAN, HILARIOUS!

i guess i feel better now

today was band practice. i mean i love it! but its just that once again

and when we play some wrong stuff janine would say "what are you playing?!" or "what note is that?!" i would have said THAT IS THE SAME SHIT FUCKED UP NOTE YOU PLAYED WHEN YOU WERE SEC 1, 13 YEARS OLD FUCKER !%$^#@$!#@!! i am NOT upset with janine because obviously, this has nothing to do with her. but wth man, i cant play the trombone for nuts. im not as good as wenyuan, which in any case i dont need to compare to her to feel inferior, i suck at music, and its been 2 months and i cant play a proper note. i thought within like 2 months at least i could play a proper note!!

and in class, ms choo was talking about stoical people or something like that. stoical people believe in fate(like god) while non stoical people believe in free will.

i would basically say i believe in both. not everything is up to fate! and christine, knowing that im a christian, turned to me and said "SCREW PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE IN FATE" SCREW HER!!! what the fuck is her problem? i know i shouldn't be swearing but SERIOUSLY! i mean i feel like my religion is insulted, ON PURPOSE. if she did it on accident, whatever, but ON PURPOSE?!?!

i didn't even insult molly's religion. i thought she was a christian so i said all those things to her as i thought we're all one christian family and should share the same beliefs. only after telling her all those stuff THEN she told me she wasn't christian AN YMORE! i mean i apologised and explained why a million times. molly doesn't even bother about that incident anymore, and we're better friends now! what the HELL is christine's problem?!?! if she doesn't understand what is going on and what i said during the apology to molly and the misunderstanding, THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP.

oh well... i guess that's life.

well well, once again, I HATE FRENCH. actually, i loved it on monday, because i tried to! it was kind of a self-deception thing ya know. hating french but trying to make yourself think you love it! or probably the other way round, LOVE IT but just putting an obstacle before yourself. i dont know which one.

but all i know is madame pang asked me to SHUT UP and said that i always clown around at the back and say i dont know my work. FUCK HER! oops i sweared, fine try not to. THE POINT IS, she asked me to shut up?!?! she has NEVER asked anyone in the class to shut up besides the 2 boys!! so im same rank as stupidity i guess. BLEH. and yes, once again, i have decided to hate french and stop myself from learning it.

the problem is, how do i tell mummy? she said she was so proud that i could learn french. she was proud of me and she said she thought i was doing fine as long as i pass. i feel SO guilty if i wanna waste her money and let her down. i dont know what to do..

today in piano class, I ACTUALLY IMPROVED IN AURAL! WHOOOTS! i did, i did, I DID! i could sing it in pitch, i could memorise it, i sang without fear. and know why? because i put away the obstacle i always put infront of myself that "NO, I CAN'T DO IT. I CAN'T SING. I CAN'T REACH THAT NOTE. I CAN'T REMEMBER. SHE'S RIGHT, I'M TONE DEAF" and FINE-ALLY! i put it away and just sang. YES I DID IT! im happy.

pastor wong is right, why put so many obstacles in front of you? so i've decided to clear them ONE by ONE!

today ms choo was talking about different personalities : phlegmatic, sanguine, choleric and melancholic.

the people in pri. school would say im melancholic, which is an emo person. WHICH IS NOT! im just a thinker, i think a lot. but im wwwwwway, far from melancholic. people in sc would probs say im phlegmatic. easy going, too easy going. lazy. and those who are happy go lucky, dont really care bout anything. which is again, SO WRONG. i care about lots of things in the world. i care about how i am, i care about my family, dorcas, some friends(mean aren't i), and my religion man. rachel goh when she first knew me, she didn't think i was a christian! she actually thought I WAS A... A..... DONT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING?!?!

argh, i may not be a stereotype christian, nice and gentle. friendly and dont swear. but not all christians are stereotypes right?! lol i may be wrong.

but im not a complicated person, NOT AT ALL! im actually very simple (:

good points about me(i think im boasting man):
-mature(surprisingly i know only dorcas, my bro and some friends know that, the rest think im an idiot)
-egoistic
-confident
-thinker
-different

and yeah that's about all, i would've put lots more characteristic traits i think i possess, but no i think i should keep humble.

bad points:
-a LIL arrogant
-over sensitive
-too straightforward
-bitch too much
-swear too much
-eh lots more man, i dont wanna feel bad!!

i've planned EXACTLY what to do for dorcas' birthday, SO HAPPY!

maybe i was wrong about christine? i dont know.

i have become an ENVIROMENTAL FREAK! PUH-LEASE do not waste paper, electricity and stuff that causes the world to end sooner.

i certainly dont believe that there's A DATE the world would end, God wouldn't tell us, he would just end it next year if he wanted to, and i may go to hell at the rate im going. lol, i guess? ENOUGH christianity for me man, im not so holy. although i admit i've become more.. christian based.. yeah that's the word

and i've decided that NO ONE, NONE of anybody i know will i tell my blog address to, i dont wish to expose myself to the world again man. lol, i dont know where did this WEIRD idea come from, but yeah. THANKS TO PIRAMOL WHO INSPIRED ME!, in a way(:

i really have seen many things in the weekends. first piramol, then my mum. i realised because we're christians, its easier to talk to her. not saying anything about buddhists or other religions cause i bet they're also the same as my mum, so just saying.she's not all about academics, she wants what's best for me. and i wanna thank her for that. after breaking down yesterday because of some demoralising shit, i have decided to work hard and not slack anymore. I WANNA DO MUMMY PROUD YEAH!

and shit? i lost the band form when im supposed to hand it up tomorrow night, GUH-RATE. just GREAT.

I wanna thank god that i've matured alot within 3 days, and i finally see the importance of studying. so off i am!

i feel suuuper misunderstood and sorry for piramol.
i thought piramol was a christian! if she wasn't, i wouldn't DARE condemn her religion. im like insulting her religion, but i thought it was a christian, and as one family, we should have the same beliefs, but i was wrong.

and piramol made a wrong move by telling everybody in class what we talked about. they're not christians! like christine said im like insulting her parents. which is NOT true. because i didn't even say that in her face, i wouldn't cause she believes in karma and i wont want to do anything to her beliefs, i have no right after all. rachel ang, the extra one, also said im like insulting her! im not even telling her! i told molly cause i thought she was a christian and would accept the fact. why doesn't anybody get that.

yunru, the FUNNIEST. "I'm a christian but i dont believe only christians and catholics go to heaven" no wonder she believes that since she doesn't go to church.

why are people trying to spread the gospel? SO THAT LESS PEOPLE GO TO HELL, more people believe Jesus. Ephesians 2:8-9, i forgot what it exactly said but it said that its through grace that you go to Father, not through one's good deeds, so no one can boast. roughly like that. so not all good people go to heaven. John 14:6 it says something like no one goes to the Father except through me. yeah!

i know why now i know so many things, because I GO TO CHURCH. now i understand why i should go to church man.

I FEEL SO MISUNDERSTOOD! and there christine goes, with her USUALLY big mouth, telling everybody. firstly, molly isn't even telling everybody ANYMORE. cause she isn't angry ANYMORE. why should christine? i mean like let it rest. if you're not a christian, then shut up and stay out between stuff like these!

but im glad, today, i spread the gospel. they may think im threatening them, im condemning them, im insulting them, i dont care. my job isn't to force them to accept christ, its just to plant the seed in them, whatever they think, its up to them.

and im happy im a christian and i made a difference today.