i still feel terrible. although better from yesterday.
yesterday was just hysterical.
lots of crying and helplessness.
but now that's over.

got 24/30 for my math. it sucked. i mean, it wasn't too bad. but it was below average, and second lowest in class. im not the only second lowest in class, eunice and lots of other people are with me. lowest in class 23. what a shame, im 0.2 MARKS TO MY A1!

i felt like shit, i wanted to cry. because i've dragged sy down, once again. everybody has got an A1!!!!!! EXCEPT MEEEEEEEE! its not fair. i did study!

and the physics teacher still dislikes me. because i dont pay attention in class, and i dont ask questions. unlike christine

im like really jealous of christine. i've never felt to inferior. both of us got 260. she started off the same as me, a little worse in fact. and now she's above me. i mean, the physics teacher likes her, she's been getting better and better results. but how about me? why am i not improving.

its not fair when we both get 260 and she's doing so much better. she was pretty smug about yesterday. she smiled and said "cheryl, you know the teacher kept on looking at you, right" referring to mrs lee wanting to complain to my parents thing. why be smug? i felt SO terrible, i felt like... like shit. and i still do, today. because everybody in the haunted house like esther, belinda, christine, natalie and yolanda and i couldn't. because i plainly had tuition. its always tuition!

i cant go to sectional lunch because of tuition! i cant do this and that because of tuition. i dont feel suffocated really, i just keep feeling like the odd one out. im working pretty hard yet nobody realises my efforts. christine sure as hell doesn't. my mum doesn't. practically everyone thinks i slack!

i dont, im starting to get seriously quiet since this week. its always week 2, days 6 to 10 then i realise a lot of stuff. and is always the toughest week to get through, i realise.

im getting more and more withdrawn.