actually i realised, im getting happier and happier since that terrible week.

i would describe my mood then as 70% sad. 30% is happy cause i'm alive, i have god, i have my family and blah blah blah. that 30% won't go away :D

then it got to 40%.. and now its 10%! 10% cause im addicted to the comp and i cant finish my work.


YAYYYYY.

well, yesterday was band. and leanne wasn't there! PEE-YUCKS! leaving wenyuan and I well, alone! like leanne's always there to cover up for our mistakes. then the trombones sound good with her :D i think..

yeah mr desouza was eh.. suuper uber pissed. with saxophones! HA. well not HA, but eeeks!
i've never seen him so angry. he's like whoa, up to his top. seriously.

then i had sectionals with wenhui and wenting. SCARRRRRRRRRY. two of the pro-est seniors coming to spy on wenyuan and I. watching our every notes. wenyuan kept going out of timing, i kept going out of breath. LOL. wenting was pretty fierce to wenyuan. ahhhh!

then mr desouza gave us a lecture. not a very good one D:. he said that wenyuan and I "started off sounding very good but somehow you guys received praise and decided to slack"

like hello?! wenyuan and I didn't slack! he just cant hear the difference. but mr tan said i was a good trombone player :D:D

just that i need to be less playful.

well.. wenyuan and i went to the vending machine to buy h-two-o. well at least i did. with her accompanying me. we sat at the stairs and just slacked. by the time we got back to the court to practice, mr desouza was already watching us. he musta thought that we were slacking.. again.

well, nevermind! I'M EXTREMELY GUTTED.

dammit, yesterday's semi finals were once again, a letdown. lousy semifinals. LOUSAYYYYY.
who i wanted to get through didn't get through again. let's just hope today's one went well:D *fingers crossed.. TIGHTLY*

we're gonna be in for a good night. craig harper, anya sparks, scala, nemesis and madonna decenna are all in today's semi finals. they're all brilliant. but i hope madonna decena, craig harper or scala get through to the finals. either two of 'em. BUT TOMORROW'S SATURDAY! WHICH MEANS I CANT WATCH! NOOOOOOOO.

its band tomorrow. well, i cant wait. the new song we're playing is eh pretty good i think.

yesterday was coooool! went to help out at the LA fest. got 8 hours CIP, ain't bad. thought i could get 9.

most of the sec 1's were sy-ians i guess. like cheng mun, molly, cristy, jodie, ada, and yeah more i guess.

but it was hyper fun! my facilitator was "janet george" the first time i saw that name i was like "YESS! SHE'S CAUCASIAN!" but when i saw her, she turned out to be indian. nevermind, she was nice,too.

but i screwed up the first half. like when she came, i had to lead her to the classroom which i set-up. but hell, I COULDN'T BLOODY FIND IT. i dont know why! i had just been to the classroom like what, 10 mins ago? and now i cant find it? lol so i asked the technician for help. HA. what a loser, right. then when i turned on the computer, i realised i needed a username and password to access.

i ran to esther's classroom and asked her. she said username is my classroom and password is password. :S yeah so i ran back to my classroom and tried. it dint work. took me 15 mins to get it going, because in the end i used the teacher's acc:D

andand during lunch break, molly and I spent like what, 1 hr debating with these RI guys. one of them says "if you hate me, im from Hwa Chong. if you dont, I'm from Raffles". lmao. the other guy says he's from rgs. confused gender, like me!! and another sec 4 guy whom they all call Jesus.

yeah so they were in charge of a language game with the primary school kids. it was a debating game. like there are words on each card. and they have a theme. so one is the proposition, one is the opposition. when they're speaking, the children would hold up a card and the word on the card would have to be used in the speaker's sentence. dam funny! then from the subject of uniforms are bad dragged to scgs sucks!

molly and I debated the hell out of these guys. lol, then some st michael's primary school kids came and watch. they all supported RI :S. and i sprayed water at the rgs guy, and the st micael's primary school kids were suuuper extra. they sprayed water at me! *rolls eyes*

and the RI guys called manchester united gay! hell no! i support them. so do the st michael's kids. and guess what, i had them in my class on my second shift with janet george. the moment they stepped into the classroom they were like "you're that girl! with those RI guys right. you support man u man!" ...

but it was fun. went cd shopping with molly after that. went to j8 for cd shopping. molly dint want to get me anything! hmmph! i saw holy shit! WESTLIFE DREAMS COME TRUE CONCERT TOUR DVD! AHHHH! but too bad, no money, lah. i donated $5 to some charity fund without even thinking. may be a scam, but who cares!

went to 7-11, molly bought me a cream bun! yummmm~

then i went home and watched britain's got talent. first semi finals, not so much of a dissapointment. i was happy with who got through. signature and kate and gin. but no! i wanted dean wilson to get through. dean sang "somewhere" by barbara streisand. it was amazing! he shoulda got through.

second semifinals andrew johnston got through, i dont mind him. i loved his semi finals performance. deserved to be in the finals. as much as signature. cheeky monkies got to the finals! YAYYYYY.

third semifinals, what a dissappointment. spoiled my day. george sampson and... strike got through. it shoulda been charlie green and hoop la la! argh, i hope today's fourth semifinals goes well :D

gonna start on my lang arts now. ciao.

The Hillsong Concert was amazing!

it really was! it was phenomenal. all the christians in singapore gathered in one place. all the christians with true faith. raising our hands for the mighty One. singing our praise for the Lord. jumping about.

everybody was jumping about. from the fast, happy songs. to the slow emotional ones. everybody was singing. those who could sing, did sing. those who couldn't, also sang. it was great. but i dint get to see tanya.

it lasted for almost 4 hours! 3hours and 45mins! everybody was shouting encore! encore! encore! so it lasted for 4 hours. the max pavilion was seriously packed with people. packed, packed packed like sardines.

it was truly phenomenal. that overwhelming feeling. oh, then mow, belinda and her friend had to go off at 9.30, so only nat, gwen and I were left.

nat, her church friend and I went home together. we were suuuuper high. we kept laughing and laughing. at the funniest shit normally we wouldn't laugh at. but it was great.

then i alighted at Aljunied at about 11pm, and my parents fetched me home. i thought me bro was in the car but he wasn't! so i insisted that we go to look for him. so we ended up at Serangoon's macs. because he was with eunice and her mum. i had terrible gastric. so i sat and sat there in pain.

then eunice said that when narnia shows, we shall all go and watch it! yeah!

and i know who is through in the semi-finals of britain's got talent! some really unexpected people. michael grade, that stupid keyboard player whom simon cowell described as nuts if you actually think he's got talent.

JEREMY LYNCH! the football guy.

MADONNA DECENA! the singer singing i will always love you.

ANDREW JOHNSTON! pie jesu opera guy.

CRAIG HARPER! boyzone send-up. LOVE him. after the results were announced, he was the only one shouting like a madman. i guess he really is mad.

GEORGE SAMPSON!!! im so happy for him. he dint get through last year, and now he got through!

HOOP LALA! the camp hoola hoop act.

CHEEKY MONKIES! the controversal dance kid act.

TRACY! the guy singer singing celine dion's think twice. lol.

SOPHIE MAY! the belly dancer dec fancies.

CHARLIE GREEN!!!!! the 10 year old jazz singer. he's amazing.

the percussion act. pretty good..

SCALA! the electric violin act.

a few dance acts here and there. forgot they're name. perhaps dint really take notice.

FARYL SMITH! the 12 year old opera singer who sang ave maria.

some unknowns here and there.

SULEMAN! that guy who imitated michael jackson and ended off with a surprise. bhangra act.

VIVA LAS VEGAS! knew it, they were amazing.

KATE AND GIN THE DOG. they were amazing. kanine style man! and when she got through, you could see the emotion in her eyes. she has got nothing to hug, but her dog. her dog is the only one who's been there for her. those bullies suck.

many others that i cant remember.. but i cant wait for the semifinals, really!!

its been a great, great day.

the girl who was a contortionist. she was amazing, too.

today was probably hell. but hell, its fun as well.

second day of the enrichment poetry module. yesterday i came to the poetry class, to realise it was 1sy. not bad, not bad at all!

so i thought what in the bloody hell have i gotten myself into, when i saw mrs neoh. she's actually in charge of the module! shit!

the one who shouts "ALLLLLL THE WAYYYY" and makes the whole school shout "SCGS!"

well it is pretty fun but she looks like some femal commando, know what i mean.

but the module was great. went to the botanic gardens for "inspiration" for poetry. went with cheng mun and ada as a group. pretty much accomplished a lot, went to the gazebo. that's the NICEST. i wrote the best poem there, i suppose.

and i used swans to write a poem called "come back, my love". mrs neoh said it was a beautiful poem. HA. i thought it was pretty corny.

then we went to the foodcourt. WHAT THE HELL. one prata + curry = $4.50. one nasi lemak = #3.50. what a world, nasi lemak has become cheaper than prata! i bought mango smoothie, costed like #3.50

cheng mun bought milo dinosaur! i want that! so anw, i had one plate of nasi lemak, one mango smoothie, 4 slices of kaya toast, and... DESSERT! WHOOOO.

dessert was dam cool. cheng mun, ada and I split money to buy one bowl of ice kachang.

then when cheng mun just went to buy, mrs neoh came round and said "5 more minutes, girls"

like lmao! cheng mun just left the table! then when the ice kachang came back, we had to RUSHHHHHHH through. i called christine, esther and rg to help me eat it all up. but christine dint want to. so in the end esther, rg, ada, cheng mun and I had to finish ONE bowl of ice kachang in 3 minutes! and rg and esther left after, like what, 1 minute?

but it was great. the whole experience. even better than module 1. the modules keep on gettin better innit.

had piano. hated piano. for the first time.
had french. was so-so. like madame pang didn't give us back our french test results!

i entered class at 4.30, and the 2.30 class just left. so i asked ada and joelle and how much they got. just to find out that today madame pang isn't giving back the results!

but i love french, still! i think.. probably after a few weeks the love will die down :S:S
je ne sais pas?

came home. to realise. i have COMPO left! and people, you need to praise me. because of me, ms choo extended the lang arts webquest for THE WHOLE LEVEL man. because of MY request :D:D ego-ing now:D

well, four days of elearning. what do you know, time to go back to school for the last two days! before mugging through the june holidays! what a life.

still trying to print an obsession book. with all my obsessions. i have like i dont know how many thousands of pictures. until i switched computers, and my dad thought that those weren't important. didn't backup.



and now those pictures are like no longer on any forums! ack!!



yesterday i prayed hard. the sermon topic in church on sunday suited me PERFECTLY. it described me perfectly.

and after that sermon, i came out a much happier person. im not longer that affected. is this another miracle by god or just coincidence? of course god's work that somehow the sermon enlightened me.

im a much happier person, now. although i feel that i've lost something. have i lost that something called.. fun? am i still fun? i don't know. but nevermind, i feel much better!

i'm facing a really hard time.

and i realise something about me.

i get hurt easily. i fall easily. and i undo the hurt too easily. and i get up to quickly. with that same optimism about everything, and i get letdown again. and this is what is happening to me.

about everything that happened in primary school. am i sure that it doesn't hurt? cheryl, are you sure you're not bothered by it. are you sure it doesn't hurt you.

im sure it does. it still does, till this day. but not as much. has everything that happened not hurt me? it has hurt me.

but the fact is, i've gotten over it. but thinking about it does hurt me. a lil' bit. but not as tremendous as this hurt.

because im stuck in a rut. i dont know what to do. the way the group has treated me has indeed hurt me a lot.

and how am i going to church tomorrow? im in "the outside". the rest are inside. i wasn't like that. but i recently have become like that. ever since i entered SF, i've had a hard time.

Lord, help me. get out of this rut.

im feeling terrible.

this is a conversation between me and dorcas.




[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
cheryl, remember you told me bout your fren's rachel goh's blog?
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
can tell me again?
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
please?
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
rachel goh or rachel ang?
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
the one that you fought with
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
oh that's rachel ang
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
paper-heartts.blogspot.com
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
why?
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
fun
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
lol okay
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
visit mollyactuallyhasablog.blogspot.com, too
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
its i think a little better
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
LOL
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
er...
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
dont have your pic
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
why would there be my pic?
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
i always avoid the camera
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
lol.
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
sad
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
im always the one taking the pictures
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
grr.
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
i wanna your pic..
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
nah, dont have any
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
unless you check my facebook
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
hahars.
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
okok
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
its haha
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
not hahars
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
url?
\\
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
dont be twit
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
haha*
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
go check up my facebook
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
just search cheryl lim
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
kk
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
and the one with a picure of ant and dec
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
and its not kk its okok
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
dont be ah lian!
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
im in a rush
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
no you're being twit and ah lian
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
whadeva..
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
its not whadeva either
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
its whatever
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
DORCAS, since when were you twit?!?!
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
cheryl, im not trying to be offensive or anything
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
miie thiinks euu arre twiits
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
but can you just please stop
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
like
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
forget it
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
miie thiinks twiittingx iish baddxx
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
LOL!
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
feeling lame, I SHALL CONTINUE
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
iim n0rt a twiit!
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
lol that's the best
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
then feeling tired i shall just sign off



why is she being like that? am i being horrible?


ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
now one more person that treats me like crap
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
dorcas you KNOW why im like that
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
you know i've had people dunking the shit out of me in school
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
well, the truth is
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
in sc
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
i dont
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
people have treated me like crap
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
i dont know whad happen to you cheryl
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
well not people
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
but some people
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
they've treated me like crap, and dunked the shit out of me
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
and the last thing i want is dorcas, i dont want you to become like those bimbs and twits
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
seriously, i felt irritated. and im not treating you like shit
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
and i know my limits.
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
im not trying to say im like know it all
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
but... sometimes..
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
in all honesty, im still upset over your one-worded answers
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
perhaps its that you're tired
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
but when im feeling down. i want to be happy. i want to talk to you
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
and you give me a one word reply
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
and i dont know who to talk to anymore
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
i never like to talk about my problmes
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
problems*
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
cause i know its boring and it'll bore you
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
this is like some mushy shit
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
but seriously im not being sarcastic now. i've nothing else to say
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
but you know when im just feeling like shit. i always think that the first person i can talk to is you
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
and then i bull a whole lot of shit
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
and do you know i felt like a piece of shit
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
and you say "okay.. " or "haha"
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
i want you to talk to me like how i talk to you!
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
the way you said st.nichs
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
i just wanted some advice fromyou
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
but ended up..
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
and that's advice for you!
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
you can go to methodist girls' school
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
i think its good.
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
well, put it in a nicer way
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
im a frank person
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
and you know that
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
from young i wanted to follow you wherever you went
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
nanyany,
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
i dont like saying "well.." and go all beating around the bush
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
cedar
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
scgs.
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
i dont want you to follow me
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
but i dont want you to go to st nichs
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
then dont make me
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
you should go to raffles
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
listen
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
people also think that scgs is not a very good school,
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
some people think its a fantastic school
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
but the fact is im in there
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
like me. i think its a great school
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
and i think is great
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
im a very critical person
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
i know
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
and i think scgs is great
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
frankly, i dont like my primary school
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
but. some people think st.nichs is a great school.
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
but the fact is, dorcas i know you'll regret it
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
you'll regret being in st nichs
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
have you ever been in st.nichs?
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
how would you know?
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
i have friends in st nichs
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
and you remember that piano friend?
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
i think she's great
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
i have frens in st.nichs too..
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
and she's form st nichs
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
dorcas why wont you just trust me
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
i dont know what's best for you cause im not your mum
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
or whateve
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
whatever*
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
why wont you trust me.?
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
i know whad im doing
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
the fact is, dorcas. you dont
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
you're not even doing anything
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
you're thinking of doing something
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
i've been thinking a lot
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
i had a terrible choice to make between cedar and scgs
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
just that you dont know
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
i still love cedar
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
but scgs rocks so much that it supercedes cedar
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
but st nichs is no where near
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
xiu er lao shi says that we should let god decide which school we shouldgo
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
the st nichs talk came to me when i was in primary school
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
and im just doing it, not that god wants me to go to st.nichs
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
im waiting
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
i thought WOW it was great
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
okay, since you put it that way
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
i hope you'll wait for a proper answer from God
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
God gave me an answer that i should go to scgs
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
and i did
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
because caris' mum told me to ask god
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
and seek for an answer
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
and that's what i did
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
i got an answer
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
i didn't regret it
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
although i've had many bumpy times
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
i hope you get a right answer
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
really
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
and i told my mum about it
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
i realised what i said was very wrong
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
just yesterday i told my mum about you wanting to go to st nichs
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
and me wanting you to go scgs
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
dorcas i regret a lot of things i say to you, just that i dont apologise
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
im just scared that you'll turn out like a bimbo
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
or an ah lian
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
because i've only seen one or two people who aren't in st nichs
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
well maybe 20%
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
are you sure you can be that 20-30%?

i dont know. we lack communication. LOTS of communication, perhaps.


[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
i dont know.
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
i cant be so confident that i wont. but nat.. her sis is from st.nichs. from whad she says st.nich is a good school. and from whad you said scgs is a wonderful school, her sis is a very very nice person totally differ from whad you said about the others.
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
she may be that 20%
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
not that i dont wanna go scgs.
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
but..
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
in scgs, there is like 60-70% of the people who aren't ah lians or twits
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
they're actually different
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
i know.
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
in st nichs, let's say im wrong
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
may be 50%
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
still, its 50%
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
you said its not that you dont want to go to scgs but..
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
but what?
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
i dont know.
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
is it because you want to become so much like your friends sister?
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
its just between scgs and st.nich if i ever get the choice
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
no.
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
dorcas i hope you'll think about going to scgs
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
i mean, it'll be so cool
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
i can actually see you in school
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
i know.
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
and go home with you
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
we can go home together
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
take mrt togegther
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
i know.
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
i would LOVE
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
it.
(ANT AND DEC ROCK ON![e-learning, the fun of it all] says:
we have more topics to talk about
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
just let me think about it.
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
anw, i've got to go
[b]im more than what you made of me[/b] says:
bye

i mean, when my day's down. i think about dorcas. i just want to know how her day's are getting along. i mean what's troubling her. what's up with her. but all i get is a "haha" or "okay.. "

why do i get these replies? im always very gutted after reading her smses. i just want to communicate more.

i just broke down just now. i've been having a hard time. im tired of getting one-worded un-enthu replies from everybody. am i too enthu about the world?

why is it that im always let down by everyone? am i too easily hurt, or do i undo my hurt too quickly?

i have so much to talk about with dorcas. all she gives is oneworded replies, and i dont know how to continue. i dont know how to continue my day. i dont even know how to continue the conversation!

she's the only person i've cared so much in my entire life. its like a boy-girlfriend relationship. but its not. i really care for her. call me sad, but i've never truly cared about someone so much.

i dont want her to end up like an ah lian. i may have a large ego, yes. but i want her to become an sc girl. like me. i dont want her to go to st nichs.

the thing i need most it comfort. nobody seems to be giving me any. and i desperately need it.

i've been severely letdown by this world.

tonight im going to pray hard. i hope god will give me an answer. i hope god will give dorcas a correct answer.

i hope things will soon be better.

am i a good person. A good friend?

this is what i've been thinking about.



why is that people treat me like crap all the time. i always say "oh they're cunts" but the fact is, could it be?



am i a very lousy person? that people hate me so much. why is it that the whole group treat me like that. and why is it that eunice is starting to dislike me? it is because i have a really bad personality and my character sucks? or is it really them.

i blame the people who treat me like crap, saying that they're the ones who are crap. Could i be the crappy one?

this is something that I found in my bro's blog:

Is it just me, or do people tend to cling on to their pasts?
I have absolutely not the slightest idea.
For a guy, in a social circle like mine, i think a lot
I do.
And when i do, concurrent, yet opposing, thoughts tear me apart sometimes.

Looking in retrospect, i realised that i probably was always deluding myself.
Stimulating my mind to think that what i had was something good.
Something worth dying for.
But as someone once said, "there was alot that wasn’t working."
And the truth of the matter was ugly as hell.
It brought me to absymal lows, and drove me into a state where i no longer knew who i was.
I am depressed at the way things turned out.
But somehow, my heart and mind is reluctant to express any emotion toward the matter.
Perhaps subconsciously, i have made the decision to erase any memory ever made.
Perhaps the pain was so terrifying, i shut myself off from anything related.I don’t know.
But what i do know is that in this short life of mine so far,
things have been going pretty well.
Some minor hiccups here and there, but generally, an increasing trend.
I am thankfull to the many who have stuck by me through times of trial.
Though i am not fully recovered, i can say that today, i stand strong.
Against all the trials and tribulations, i survived.
And even tougher than before, i face this world once again.
In search of a light that would once again bring warmth and comfort to this soul.
Strength comes from Him and Him only.
I thank the Lord each and everyday, for shining light upon my life each time i fall.
"A man is not worthy to live, if he has not found something to die for."


okay man that's so inspirational, right? i think so.

its intriguing how two people under the same circumstances can turn out differently.

i do not wish to state the person, because she said "if anything goes beyond this conversation. im going to be very mean"

she isn't friend or foe. but she is one person i would like to help.

we've both had terrible times. we've both been bullied in school terribly. we've had terrible times at home.

she's become a very mean person who loves to hurt people. a very critical and closed up person.

and i've become a very happy person who is very optimistic about life itself. a quite critical but very open person.

why have we turned out differently? its a question that's dwelling on my mind, currently. why?

i want to help her. as far as im concerned. im an extremely happy person. i've had a terrible time in primary school. as well as a fab time. but i choose to remember the fab times. of course, i remember the terrible times, but why let it bug me for life? if i let every sad thing bug me, i would become a very bitter person. like she is.

she has this mindset of protecting herself and inflicting hurt on others, like how she's experienced it. i have this mindset of making everybody happy. consoling, guiding, whatever. everybody should be happy and get on with their lives.

and i think its time she got on with her life. and i hope so.

well what i've written about christians yesterday was partially crap. so nevermind.

i finally have gmail! cheng mun asked me to chat with her through gmail. so i had to add gmail.

and since cheng mun loves saying "doot! dodo" i created a new word to use to insult her. i said "poot! popo"

so she's popo and im dodo! HA. beat that, cheng mun. "bye popo" LOL

i bet christine has been sms-ing rachel goh and belinda loads. and i haven't received a single sms from anyone of them.

yes, im very sensitive. i admit that. when i was sick for 3 days, i didn't receive any smses saying "are you okay cheryl?" or "are you feeling better?"

from NONE of them. even nat teo, mow, mary and jodie bothered to ask me through the class blog! and they dont? really, i dont know why i've been so sensitive but its true. they barely care about me.

if i were to be missing from school next thursday nobody will ask. except cheng mun, molly, ada, and the people who actually care. they haven't smsed me for 6 days. and i only receive an sms from them like once in two weeks occasionally. oh wow, what good friends i have. who dunk the shit out of me and call me a pervert.

at first, i dint mind being called a pervert. after awhile it just isn't fun anymore! i mean,occasionally. its fine. but i dont wanna be called a pervert everyday at everything i do. that im not allowed to put my hand on their shoulders, i cant touch their jackets. and blahblah.

i do laugh it off, but come to think of it. its not very funny.i really think they're cunts. because they're treating me like that.

and i bet if i ever show eunice the ant and dec book which i had, she would say "ee, why you like them. so disgusting". or something, ya know. its in her nature to be mean, isn't it molly?

i realise that if a person really knew me well, she/he would know that im an extremely happy person. im always happy.

i do lead quite a tough life. especially the past few months of settling down in sc. much of that settling down was all quite unsettling and disturbing. but i dont let that get past me. i know it'll get better. my strength is in you lord, my hope is in you lord, my life is in you lord. in you, its in you.

yeah still singing that song since 3 weeks ago. an extremely inspiring church song that gets me up everytime im down.

my relationship with dorcas has gotten into the rocks. extremely unstable. but why is it like that? we've known each other for 10-years now.

we go to church together, used to be in same swimming class, used to be in same tuition, used to go out everyday.

i remember until i was 11 years old, i would be out with her everyday. be it to the park or to the market or just to each others' house. she is a person who truly knows me inside out. there's no need to run or hide with her.

i lay out all my cards on the table. she sees right through me, and im not scared. but now i have this certain uncertainty about her. not uncertainty about how well i know her. but an uncertainty on where is this leading us both. am i really a bad influence as the other aunties think? i know her mum thinks im a great kid, but am i as great as i seem?

i realise everybody starts of being open and optimistic about life. but as years go by, and we experience more and more hurt. and the hurt is truly hurt. it makes us doubt life. and the more hurt and failure we go through, the more be close up. and finally, the optimism about life.. is gone. Wham!

what makes a good christian?
is one question that i always ask myself. i haven't been acting like one. and i haven't been getting my act together, either. i know its one that entrusts her life in God. one that follows god. one that trusts god. one that connects with god. and one that God likes. All christians are god's children. and we want to be favoured. we want to be what god wants. but many a time, we fail.

We all fail once in awhile.
but do we ask god for forgiveness? do we get so caught up in life that we forget about him. its an absolute NO and YES respectively.

do i act like how a christian is supposed to act? i guess not.

argh, so whatever. im feeling lousy about myself. but! im talking to eunice. eunice HO. not LUA.
yeah, so ciao.

yesterday was just one of the shit days, really. where the group and eunice all treated me like crap.

i forgot to sign a form, so i was just filling in the details in the form, hoping that mrs lee would allow me to pass up without signing. eunice turned around and said "you're gonna forge right"

i did feel a little insulted by her comment, so i said "i never do forge" and its true. i may look like a typical bad student, but there's one thing i would never do. that is to forge. i'd rather get into trouble than forge. had to believe innit?

yeah, then eunice said a comment that REALLY pissed me off. "its actually no use since your reputation already tarnished at the start of the year" for fuck's sake, what was that comment for?

here i am, being a good student. and there she is, trying to insult me. and she gave me many obvious hints in the morning like "you shouldn't write on your leg because your handwriting is quite ugly"

what a HUUUUUGE ego she has man. is her handwriting very nice? she seems to stereotype stuff. that is the stereotype handwriting people should have, that is the stereotype behaviour people should have.

the reason why she hates people in sy is because they are unlike her! they are not in her stereotype! we're different. not stereotype-d people, ya know.

and the group treated me like crap again. shan't elaborate on that.

today was fun! the supposedly boring module i was given was actually VERY interesting.

i was in the math room by 7.50pm. waiting for the module to start, but the teachers hadn't arrived yet. then the door opened and i saw this few sec 3 students. they stepped in and said "oh wow, im here to answer my burning question." and that "here to answer my burning question" part was quoted from the module description. "anwers to all your burning questions" LOL.

but the module was great, really! although nobody from SY was put in that course. so i sat next to this vietnamese scholar. who could multi-task really well. she was drawing, when the teacher was speaking. so i doubt that she was listening. but suddenly, she raised up her hand, stopped drawing, and asked a topic related question! so she was actually listening very carefully and drawing at the same time. and then i was playing a pen game with myself, she all of a sudden stopped drawing again and said "you are very good at it"! wow, three things at one time. drawing, listening, and spying on me:S:S LOL.

i learnt a lot from the course. and after the module, i met cheng mun in the canteen. we wanted to go to the comp lab to do the e-learning together, but the comp lab was locked! so we went home in the end. WENT HOMMME! but in the end we ended up in macs.

shared a mcwings meal. it ROCKKKKED. talked about me stepmum and family. talked about world-related topics. something i had always wanted to talk about to the group but never really got the chance because none of them bothered!

then at the end of our meal, cheng mun went to put the tray back, and asked me not to run off. like i did the last time. but HA. while she walked off, i immediately got my bag and ran off. just to be blocked by a few occupied tables and chair. so i knocked into one lady on the chair. i immediately said "SORRY! SORRY!" and then that bunch of adults smiled at me :D:D

then while i was about to continue running and leave cheng mun behind, i dropped the contents in my file! while bending down to pick them up, i knocked into the guy this time! i again said "SORRY! SORRY!" and gave them a meek smile. they thought i was well-mannered. and gave a big smile at me :D:D

it feels good to be a good person. when i got off the bus with this primary school mcs girl, she was crossing the road with me. then all of a sudden, she waved at the bus-driver in the bus stopping at the trafficlight! and the busdriver waved back at her. and i waved at him, too! felt pretty good.

on the way up the stairs, so the indian neighbours whom i dont really say "hello" to. but this time i did, and even started a conversation :D:D

she was pretty please. entered my room being very happy to be a good person! :D:D

yay i got a 21/30 for history! and the highest is 23/30! hooray.

but my mum doesn't seem to give a fucking dam about it. i was telling her the good news. and when i was telling her how i felt, halfway she just cut through and ask about other non-related topics.

i hate it when she does it! it shows that she doesn't care. if she doesn't care about her daughter's marks, i shall fucking fail for her.

and my father's gone fucking bonkers too.
why's he so grumpy?

he counts how many minutes you're late BY THE MINUTE. like if you're one minute late, he'll say "WHY ARE YOU ONE MINUTE LATE? ITS ONE MINUTE YOU KNOW"

yes, precisely. ITS ONE FUCKING MINUTE YOU KNOW. and he swears in the car all the time. cursing drivers everywhere. honking and tailgating. overtaking and cutting. being that horny bastard that he is.

he is very horny. and since young, he liked to slap my butt. i dint mind when i was young. but now im 13, for fuck's sake. just FIVE minutes ago, after teaching me how to convert, he looked at my butt and gave it a slap. FUCK HIM. i feel bloody intimidated. he CANNOT do that to me, im already 13.

if he wants to be a horny bugger, he can fuck my mum for all i care.

holy shit, that is so vulgar! i mean, i dont mean that but you know what i mean! just an expression. an EXTREMELY angry expression.

and both my parents still want to hold my hand! what the hell is their fucking problem, IM THIRTEEN. must i repeat that? i do not want my parents to hold my hand across the road.

ARGHHHHH. and my bro's preparing the present for eunice:D:D

things have finally started looking up. at least with christine.

not with the rest. but after 3rd lang, christine and i were laughing our asses off because i didn't want to ignore her. then she said "and cheryl im sorry."

i said "huh?"

she said "for making you feel left out"

so we had a "kept between ourselves" talk. telling each other how we really felt. telling her how shitty i think the group is and so on. so i feel much better after talking and we're back to normal. but im still ignoring the rest of them. they're still cunts. i never said they weren't. but im not going to hang out with them. AT ALL.

i got a 52/70 for chinese compo! WHOOOOHOOOO.
28/35 for content
29/35 for language

-5 for wrong words ( i had 12 wrong words which shoulda been -12 but -5 was the max.)

and mrs lee noted my improvement:D:D
she also said 27 is already very good. AND I GOT 28 and 29!! IM GONNA WORK HARDER TO DO BETTER!
im so happy eh.

and i got 3.5/5 for french dictation! so happy:D:D
i pwned LOTS of peeps from NANYANG.
it was a great improvement considering my 0/5 the last time :S

and i got more chicken than eunice during recess:D:D
haha, beat that eunice.

okay going to watch more britain's got talent.
ciao.

haha! just finished watching a few more auditions from britain's got talent plus the past few episodes which i downloaded. watched it with me mum.



we laughed the hell out. at stupid male strippers, idiotic impressionists, and a clown who tripped and fell before even starting his performance.

my mum now refers to ant and dec as "the two idiots" because sometimes she just wants to concentrate on the auditionees yet the camera angle always goes to ant and dec and they always make her laugh the piss out of herself. yes, indeed. they're extremely funny. i've never laughed harder with my mum before! although we weren't laughing at our jokes, its ant and dec, at least its laughing! at my idols! and what my idols do best is make people laugh.

my mum also agrees that ant and dec are really good looking:D:D
yay, another person who agrees with me!
back in primary school, some idiots would just say they look ugly.
but the more you look at them, the more CHARRRRRRMING they are! really!

they're so charming. and the thing about them is, they're genuine celebrities. they're already 32, yet they're so genuine. and they dont smoke or do drugs. they drink yes, but they dont get drunk. and they drink in a pub. a neighbourhood pub in fact. so its not like some shabby town pub.

they love football. newcastle united FC!!!! oh and they live in a normal house, although they just signed another $40 million pounds deal. they dont have chauffeurs or security guards, and they dont go after money. they decline LOTS of deals because they feel that its not right to do them.

the naughtiest thing dec has ever done is.. that he stole a balloon! yeah, that's all! even i've done worse. like played truant. how i regret... NOT. lmao!

they're so genuine people really. and kate can confirm that! she knows ant and dec! and piramol sort of knows her! and piramol's going back to chiswick next year, im gonna make sure she gets and autograph signed under MY NAME. and she will call me and pass the phone to them! WHOOOO.

im feeling relatively happy now. after a sad day :S:S

well, church wasn't great. felt like shit, at the way jie ting treated me.



what did i do wrong? why does she keep ignoring me. its been like more than a month now..



just saw an sms esther sent to me. it said "are u angry with us?"



i dont know how to reply.

YES I AM. IM FUCKING MAD.

is that what im gonna say? hell no.

then what am i going to say?

i dont want to ignore her, cause that is seriously stupid.

but i dont know what to say.



i love "the giver"! that book is simply AWWWWWESOME.

and christine is still trying to slang. hard luck, fool.
its a little stupid, trying to slang.

things haven't been looking up for the past few days. geog test, christine and the group, church. it isn't going well at all. what can i say, i'll come out stronger at the end of this.

but i learnt one thing in church. leave my life in god's control. and nothing will go wrong. whatever happens will be part of his plan be it good or bad. well i knew that long ago, but i have never really thought about it. well i have, but not exactly tried to do it. so from today, i hope i can:D:D

i love limewire!:D im so cheap, aren't i..

christine's still that fucking cunt i thought she was.

i told her to stop slanging in a very pissed manner, because obviously i was very pissed. all she could say was.. "haha okay" i keep talking to her she either says "haha okay" or "lol haha okay" or "okay.." or ends the sentence with "haha okay"

WHAT THE FUCK IS HER PROBLEM? does she know that i've been feeling fucking pissed with her for many days or even weeks. i just ignored it, and told her that her slang sucks. i wouldn't even have told her if i was that angry.

and all she said was .... "haha okay" ?!?!? i mean i bet in school she's gonna go gossiping with belinda, esther, rachel goh and yolanda. here is rachel goh's reaction "walao, why she like that one. i mean there's nothing wrong with slanging right." belinda will just say "haha" and esther will say "precisely! not like she's so perfect right." yolanda will say "this kind of people just ignore"

or something. a person since i've been with since day 1, has put me under "the untouchables" in the group hierarchy. a person who never bothers to wait for me and sms me much. a person, whom i shall simply say, never bothers about me. when everybody was helping each other doing the stretching thing before sit and reach, i asked christine to help me, she ignored me three times, before unwillingly coming to help me.
they also wanted to go off without me and i had to shout for them to wait. if it was somebody else missing, they would, without a doubt, wait. and i mean nobody even invites me to go shopping, include me in the present-giving, or going waffletown anymore. what kind of friends are those?

friends who wont talk to me unless many people are having a conversation together. friends who dont care about me. are those "friends"? and i might say christine is the best among them all.

they rather have yunru in the group than me! what fucking shit is that? its so hard being in the group! i bet you, within less than a year, they'll all disperse. christine broke the group up. SHE BROKE THEM UP.

today, my trombone skills improve, i felt! pitching was more accurate, for one.

leanne pissed the fuck out of me. but it was fine after awhile, im easily pissed you know. just that i dont show it. but leanne's fine, just that i cant stand her bossiness. but she's nice:D:D

at times, i feel like telling christine to fuck off. i just feel so angry at her! i mean, she treats people like dirt. and she's a fucking cunt. yes, she is. i've never been so angry with a person before! oh who thinks hollywood's the best, oh she can make it to hollywood. oh, singapore's boring so she should make an american slang. oh, she's gonna be an actor when she grows up. oh, she's a higher class to people who speak singlish. oh, she's so great and singapore copies disney. oh, she speaks great english. HELLO, she failed lang arts for ca1.

i've never felt so mean in my life, but this is what i do when im angry. and its a good thing i've privatised this blog. but its true!

i, a person OBSESSED over british people and long to migrate, am not even like that! i dont hate singapore, i dont look down on singlish, AND I DO NOT DO SLANGS. although i can, and i purposely do it with leanne, other than that, i dont!

i cant stand how fake christine is! why must she be so fake? at one period of time, i agree, when i was halfway through p6, i was like her. i WAS. dont tell me she's as immature as the pri.6 me.
oh, she's so hollow, she has no "friends" because nobody supports her to go to disney.

WHATEVER. cant stand christine anymore. yet at some times im fine with her. i dont know what's up with me!

and jack, tuition teacher, AGAIN insulted my english! he compared my english to a pri.5 boy. he was like "you say your ENGRISH so good, never let me see any masterpieces. look at his. better than yours ah"

yeah right. i saw the "compo" that pri.5 boy wrote, i could've puked! really. what kind of grammer does he have! i can write much better!

i bet he's just not happy that i go to tuition for every subject, besides english. so he thinks im very arrogant about my english. no, i just dont want tuition for english. cause sc does lang arts differently.

i mean, if he insults my math ability i dont mind. because even i doubt if i even have a brain for math. even if i do, its probably a pri.3 brain in math. so i dont mind him saying that im lousy, because i really am lol!

but english? let's see that pri.5 boy get an A* for english THEN come telling me. im not being all arrogant, but its true! i hate it when people insult my english. the tone im using right now may be very arrogant, but that's partly from the anger about christine.

he cant even teach english, of course i dont go to him! ARGHHHHHH. and i never did say my "ENGRISH" was so good.

i dont know why, but i've been complaining a lot. bad thing, i shouldn't complain!

today was... interesting:D:D

i had a fever and shivered throughout the first hour of school. when ms choo came in, i told her that i wanted to go home. so ra and I walked to the office to get the early dismissal form.

we talked about "the group". at least im not the only one being left out.

then when i called my father in the ampi, he actually hesitated to pick me up. HE HESITATED TO PICK HIS SICK DAUGHTER UP! lol, then he told me told me turn on my handphone so he could call me if he was coming.

yeah so in the end he did come.
ada and ra accompanied me in the general office while i was waiting for my dad.

came home, shivered the piss out of me. went to bed, woke up at 12.20. ha, i woke up due to HEAT. i was actually sweating. because i was lazy to get up, i burnt and burnt. i bet it burnt my brain.

finally woke up, took a bathe. felt much better, ate fish porridge and watched huanzhu gege, oh the romance of it all :D:D i love that drama serial!

i remember growing up watching huanzhu gege 2. since k1. during the holidays, i watched 4 episodes a day. every year i would at least watch it ONCE.

but now, i love it more than ever. because i truly understand the meaning of it. dilemma, romance, jealousy, action all in one. its a fantastic show with fantastic actors. the only chinese show that i love!

sick and tired of christine, her attitude and her slang. whatever.

just came back from the doctors. listening to barry manilow's mandy. such a nice song! the doctor said that the medicine will cause drowsiness. apparently, im not very drowsy! HA.

im listening to gareth gate's unchained melody cover. even better song!

and im not going for tuition today! and im going to privatise my blog. ah well.. im starting to fear that mrs lee will one day look at my blog!

many projects on my hand now, gah! i dont know which to start with. at least peranakan project is done! emily project is 3/4 done, left with the making of the powerpoint presentation!

crafting of monologue, NOT EVEN STARTED. so many projects!

yolanda smsed me, saying that i got 19.5/25 for geog. my first reaction was YAY. but after realising that the average mark is 22, im gutted. once again. im one of the lowest in class. shit.

i better buck up for history and lang arts eh! or im dead!

i wanna get 3A1's, 2A2's and only one B for CA2. please lord, I NEED TO GET THAT MARK.

and im not gonna receive a letter from kym's sister. no fair! ARGHHHHHH.

reading yesterday's post. i realised that it was just wrong.

i started off my post calling my mum "fucking bonkers" and then went on to the "why" part and the whole self-denial scene. before touching on.... religion? it is so wrong. cursing, self-denial and... god? ah just wrong, i dont really wanna swear much, i know its wrong.

and i shant bitch about mrs lee, christians shouldn't bitch eh.

today during assembly, we went to the LT. for once! or my butt will ache all the way through in the shaw hall.

so mrs fernandez was bored, she just played some song called "bicycle". then she moved on to "queen- we are the champions" we all started waving our hands in the air. i think it started with 1GY or something. yeah, then she played "we will rock you"

some of us stomped our foots and clapped. you know that whole thang? yeah, but some un-enthu peeps dint really do much but just sat on their chair and wonder "why are we doing this?"

so mrs fern said something like "its not often where i let you all have some fun!" yeah something like that. yeah, i agree. i wonder why I WAS THE ONLY PERSON IN SY STOMPING AND CLAPPING. argh, isn't it fun to join in and be "wild" when the teacher allows it.

mr teo dint let us finish watching "the core". he didn't even let us watch! and he dismissed us 10mins early. so we went home 10 mins early. and i went to piano class 10 mins early. i sat on this special special bus, with some television inside the wall or something. DARN COOL.

had french oral! was.. pretty fine. worse than i expected, tho.

during break, i stayed in class. then madame pang said, "so cheryl.. going to study hard for the test ya?" and i nodded my head enthusiastically and said "yeah i hope i pass" then she said "you'll definitely pass, dont need to be so scared!"

i feel pressurized. to do well. and i haven't been studying. oh god, what have i gotten myself into!

been watching MR and MR, a part where stephen mulham interviews ant and dec. so cool!

cheng mun's weird. i cant exactly figure out what's up with her. but i think her violence has got a reason.

i realise im pretty much a happy person. besides the loads of rubbish i complain everyday.

and i realise im getting further away from god. the gap is wider. i haven't been praying wholeheartedly. just praying just for the sake of not feeling guilty.

i wish i'd become a peer leader! its pretty fun ain't it! and i hope i can make a good one!

my mum's gone fucking bonkers.
over my geography.
i wouldn't say FUCK HER like what i used to say, because that is wrong.

but she's gone bonkers. since i dont know when. but yes, she is.

i realise me tuition mate, matthew. HAS A GIRLFRIEND! that is so ah beng, i cant stand it. nah, no him. but his "ah beng-ness!"

im terribly upset in school. i've been kicked around like freaking shit. the "odd-one out". the one "pushing through the corners".

its a long, sucky story. but i feel bloody upset 'bout it. in case EVERYBODY was too busy to realise.

i mean why am i always the one being left out?
why am i always the one with no group?
why am i always the one being stuck alone?
why am i always the one following people?
why am i always the one squeezing through the corners just to fit?
why dont they wanna talk to me much?
why do they tend to leave me out?

i feel like a loser. i hate being alone, yes i admit that.

happy time!

i think a life one leads as a christian is very different compared to a non-christian. i hope this isn't offensive, but yeah.

because god gives me strength, heals my pain, shows me my way. "my strength is in you, lord. my hope is in you, lord. my life is in you, lord. in you, its in you"

yeah i sang that song. pretty good one. sang it during combined worship between the english and chinese sessions.

my bro was the drummer! dam, he was pro. like at 9.00am, some guy just approached him and asked him to be the drummer, then without rehearsing or practising, he just went and played. the english session girls infront of me were like signalling that the drummer was good. which was my bro!

i must admit, he's bloody brill!

and i think eunice is lovely :D:D

today i was, ONCE AGAIN, picked on by mrs lee.

the first part, i admit, was my fault.

christine sent me a note on her book, saying something like "I hate Mrs. Lee, and that's THAT" so i was replying halfway when suddenly, mrs lee said in chinese for me to come over with that book i was writing on. of course i cant show her! so when she looked away, i immediately changed books to my notebook and flipped to the page where i wrote my french test topics.

then i went up to her, she looked at the things i wrote. she said in chinese what was i writing just now. i said my french topics. then she saw the word "I'm gonna QUIT! Q.U.I.T!" then she asked me what was i quitting. then i said 3rd lang.

then i dont know why but she got very angry and asked me why was i quitting french. it isn't even her problem! i wanna quit means i wanna quit! why is she scolding me for quitting french when ziying quit 2 months ago?!!?

and when i wrote "I'm gonna QUIT! Q.U.I.T" its just a form of expression. like shit im dead, the french test is next week. i better study hard or i have to quit thing. i would never in this month quit french! currently, i love french! maybe next month i wont but who cares, now i do! she mistook the whole thing and partly my fault cause i couldn't explain to her in chinese. i kept stuttering and stammering because i didn't know how to explain in CHINESE. its difficult to explain IN CHINESE.

then she said in chinese again even if i dont quit im carrying the "whatever, im forced to" attitude to take french. no, im not! im not being forced to take french! in fact, I LOVE FRENCH! im not taking french lightly, and that is why i studied for the french oral, okay. and she saw the word "jouer de, faire de, aller" the verbs i wrote. and she said "jouer ni bu dong ma?" which means "you dont know the verb jouer?" and then i didn't know what to say, frankly. NO, I DONT KNOW. SO? what's her problem? that's why im going to study for the test! what, you mean if i dont know the verb jouer i'll get killed? im trying to learn, okay?!?! so cut me some slack aye.

and then she even claimed she knows french. whatever! i mean even if i wanna quit french, it has nothing got to do with her. why is she even angry about my "attitude" towards french which even that is untrue!

and then the second time she called me up to return me my confiscated book, she was lecturing me. i dont mind, i admit, i was wrong in writing other stuff in class. but then! she had to pick on me and say "wei shen me wo gen ni jiang hua shi ni zong shi dong zhe ge dong na ge, dong ni de tou fa" which means "why do you like touching this and that, and your hair when im talking to you"

WHAT THE FUCK. is it her problem i like to touch my hair when she's talking to me? I'M NERVOUS. so leave me alone! so are you gonna ask a person who is borned with speech defect "why do you keep stuttering?" or a retarded person "why dont you know what's 8+10?" of course not! its my habit! i dont think its a "defect" in any way.

why is she going all the way to pick on me? doesn't she know that people like belinda and esther and yuki talk so much in class? so what if they get the grades. didn't she say that grades aren't important? why doesn't she pick on them, but why me?!?! it is SO unfair. especially the touch hair part. and what has my 3rd lang got to do with her. its like asking "why did you fail your piano exam? you shouldn't take piano lightly" or something like that, just a more exaggerated example.

she's giving me such a hard time, and that's why i hate her. eunice says "have you ever thought that you're actually in the wrong?"

she's so outdated. i know im in the wrong! that stage is over, the whole "yes, sorry mrs lee im wrong" part. i didn't say i wasn't wrong, but by going all out to pick on me is WRONG. a teacher shouldn't be giving a student such a hard time!

then why even give my parents good comments when she still picks on me? SUCKER.

sod mrs lee again, today in 3rd lang. joelle actually asked what's my name! how could she forget! so i said "darryl." everybody stared at me. but belinda joined in the "act" and said "yah!" and i said "D. A. R. R. Y. L" and joelle said "oh, i thought it was always cheryl!"

hahaha i fooled her. she stayed in canada for i dont know how many years, six or seven? or is it eight? but its SO COOOOOOOOOOOL!

oh god, gotta stard my geog revision.
ciao.

parents teacher dialogue wasn't as bad as i thought it would be! in fact, in went great, according to me mam.

received surprisingly good comments on the average. said that i was spontaneous, bubbly, lively and class wouldn't be the same without me. if i were more focused i could do better. i often forget to do my homework. i ask a lot of essential questions. i pay a lot of attention in history. YAY! it went flippin' well.

sod mrs lee, band was interesting. mr tan, senior band conductor, took us today. pissed the shit out of him. of course, he's the conducter of the senior band! we're the nooby junior band. he got darn pissed and kept shaking his head. i still got something against cho ling. i've always had something against cho ling, i dunno why although she's never done anything to me. zi ying's so nice, i cant believe she made her cry! arghhh chloe better be careful or she'll get backstabbed by cho ling.

gonna call cheng mun and chevelle now, to ask them how did the ptd go.
ciao.

mrs lee scolded me today. again. she sucks. well actually by saying that i seem immature, but the thing is, the statement she made AGAIN was to like slap me down.

"peiyi, not that I want to pick on you. but why is it always you? whenever somebody doesn't hand up the form, its always you.. you're always one of the last people to hand it up"

but something she didn't realise was that for the past week, I HAVE GOTTEN INTO NO TROUBLE. I PAID ATTENTION IN EVERY CLASS. and i daresay that i have been A GOOD student. and she didn't realise it. why? perhaps... BECAUSE SHE WAS SIMPLY TOO BUSY TO SEE WHAT I'VE DONE WRONG.

she doesn't care what i do right, its what i've done wrong and she immediately spots it. she makes no effort to look out on what i've improved on.

it was really unfair to me, a student who has been struggling to improve. she also said "ni men xi huan jiu biao xian hen hao, bu xi huan jiu bu ting ke, shi ma?" she makes us sound like kids!

the thing is, we're trying so hard to improve. and when we finally so succeed in improving, performance goes up. but we're not used to being a good student all the time and being what we weren't for 6 years in primary school. so when we get a little complacent and forget that we have to maintain, it goes down. when it goes down, we wake up and then the whole cycle repeats.

but for the past few weeks, i have been improving bit by bit, in case mrs lee was too busy to realise!

i bet this is what mrs lee is going to say tomorrow for the parent teacher dialogue thing

"Cheryl is a very distracted girl who often doesn't pay attention in class. Not only does she not pay attention in class, she also disturbs other students. There have been many a time where cheryl does not pass up her homework and she is always full of excuses. This is not only an opinion from me, but from other teachers as well. She has not been consistent and is also not doing very well in class. If she continues like this, she will soon go downhill.." blahblahblah something like that eh.

another thing she doesn't realise is that im not a nerd. im very active in class activities, i was very active in the spirit of the class competition. i also took part in the 4x100m for sports day. i am very active in my CCA, and im very outspoken. i voice out my opinions blahblahblah. that's the part she doesn't realise.

she thinks the attentive students have the best characters. she thinks they have a bright future, they're mature and they're nice people. but FOR HER INFORMATION, if she would take a look "backstage" she will actually see its the people who aren't doing very well in class being the more outspoken and lively bunch. the non-nerdy bunch. the ones who are mostly mature. if only she could take a look backstage.

cho ling is an example. she's one of the top in class, but she's a backstabber. the tops of the class are mostly quiet and dont contribute. mostly the people who dont like PE and gym and dance class. the ones who bring the class together are the noisier ones. the ones she define as "bad".

like christine, she was the one that created the class blog! we were the ones that did the mascot. i was "the voice" for the spirit of the class competition. our haunted house earned lots of money and was really good. for sports day you dont see cho ling running, do you?

but of course, there are many tops in class who are really nice people. just to name a few.

wont talk much about that, i just PRAY and HOPE that ms choo would be the one talking. because i know she knows that im not that bad. i will still try to improve and let mrs lee have a better opinion of me :D

change topic! cant stand mrs lee.

kym said that she would ask her sister lynn so write me a letter! WHOOOOOHOOOOO! her sis is sososo pretty:D:D:D

i think emily, the character of emily from emerald hill, is a lady worthy of respect. her actions and reactions are due to the hurt she's received as a child. and she truly loves richard. she wants the best for richard. she doesn't want him to be hurt like she was. and thus she smothers him. she is a very strong lady. the last period was CE and ms choo touched on the life topics emily of emerald hill covered. making me very in a "thinking mood", basically.

i love ms choo! and im gonna do a horrible thing. in the acknowledgements of the written report, im gonna say "We would also like to thank ms choo for guiding us and giving us a lot of help" when actually, we are under mrs lee. so when mrs lee reads it, imagine how she'll feel! like "oh im their teacher but they thanked another teacher" but she cant get angry because people would think she's petty. she cant scold us, she cant tell us to add her name! ahaha, that'll put her in a fix. but its terribly mean, i shouldn't even be doing it! but i feel extremely upset with mrs lee. but this is so mean.

ate lunch with bs teacher huimin laoshi. was nice. told her about mrs lee lol. i seem to be telling everybody eh!

haha, eunice is at our place now!

i used to hate her, before i even knew her.
but now after knowing her, i love her!
i hope she'll be my sister-in-law in years to come!

so fun to be with, its a different feel compared to nic.
i missed nic, that's all. and i hardly knew her.
just from what my bro said then i knew her.
and i only liked her because she led such an interesting life.

but eunice is wheeee super! so fun!
and the more i look at her, the prettier she is :S:S

haven't been blogging for quite a long time. well i think its quite a few days.

main band performed at the istana today! i loved it, especially the piccolo march thingy and pirates of the caribbean. loved it!

had a complimentary tour inside the istana, was pretty nice. especially the chandeliers, leanne liked them too. i loved the gifts! especially the ones from morocco, zimbabwe, greece, malaysia etc. the unknown countries basically were pretty nice. I DIDN'T SEE UK'S GIFT! i saw u.s' one, wasn't too nice.

mr tan commented that trombones were the best section! whoohooo! yeah leanne said wenhui's really pro. miss cheong wenhui. hahaha. yeah and both emily and wenhui were from primary school band, so i guess it had to be pretty good eh!

the whole section went out to catch a movie after we returned to school. except me. i couldn't. i had a geog test and french test to study for! argh, i feel like such a goof and nerd freak. but really, its a french ORAL test. and im worst at oral, really. so i NEED to revise. so they went.

leanne was getting on my nerves today. we both got on each other's nerves. cause we were both grumpy from the hot weather. argh, nevermind.

i think "the love album" is the next album i wanna buy! of course, without asking, by westlife. its one of their least popular albums, but i think its pretty good. especially all outta love with delta goodrem, (brian's currenty missy), nothing's gonna change my love for you cause nicky sings a whole part, the rose cause it's a nice song, and the dance. quite a few nice songs, i wanna buy it!

gonna buy "the number ones tour" dvd or "turnaround tour" dvd. i think it'll be good eh. i think kian is the one with THE LEAST irish accent when he speaks. its easier to understand. although i think nicky's irish accent is one unique part of him.

oh yeah, leanne and I both agreed that lee wei's voice is sexy O.O i dunno, i think so too ya know.