i realise that if a person really knew me well, she/he would know that im an extremely happy person. im always happy.

i do lead quite a tough life. especially the past few months of settling down in sc. much of that settling down was all quite unsettling and disturbing. but i dont let that get past me. i know it'll get better. my strength is in you lord, my hope is in you lord, my life is in you lord. in you, its in you.

yeah still singing that song since 3 weeks ago. an extremely inspiring church song that gets me up everytime im down.

my relationship with dorcas has gotten into the rocks. extremely unstable. but why is it like that? we've known each other for 10-years now.

we go to church together, used to be in same swimming class, used to be in same tuition, used to go out everyday.

i remember until i was 11 years old, i would be out with her everyday. be it to the park or to the market or just to each others' house. she is a person who truly knows me inside out. there's no need to run or hide with her.

i lay out all my cards on the table. she sees right through me, and im not scared. but now i have this certain uncertainty about her. not uncertainty about how well i know her. but an uncertainty on where is this leading us both. am i really a bad influence as the other aunties think? i know her mum thinks im a great kid, but am i as great as i seem?

i realise everybody starts of being open and optimistic about life. but as years go by, and we experience more and more hurt. and the hurt is truly hurt. it makes us doubt life. and the more hurt and failure we go through, the more be close up. and finally, the optimism about life.. is gone. Wham!

what makes a good christian?
is one question that i always ask myself. i haven't been acting like one. and i haven't been getting my act together, either. i know its one that entrusts her life in God. one that follows god. one that trusts god. one that connects with god. and one that God likes. All christians are god's children. and we want to be favoured. we want to be what god wants. but many a time, we fail.

We all fail once in awhile.
but do we ask god for forgiveness? do we get so caught up in life that we forget about him. its an absolute NO and YES respectively.

do i act like how a christian is supposed to act? i guess not.

argh, so whatever. im feeling lousy about myself. but! im talking to eunice. eunice HO. not LUA.
yeah, so ciao.