i'm facing a really hard time.

and i realise something about me.

i get hurt easily. i fall easily. and i undo the hurt too easily. and i get up to quickly. with that same optimism about everything, and i get letdown again. and this is what is happening to me.

about everything that happened in primary school. am i sure that it doesn't hurt? cheryl, are you sure you're not bothered by it. are you sure it doesn't hurt you.

im sure it does. it still does, till this day. but not as much. has everything that happened not hurt me? it has hurt me.

but the fact is, i've gotten over it. but thinking about it does hurt me. a lil' bit. but not as tremendous as this hurt.

because im stuck in a rut. i dont know what to do. the way the group has treated me has indeed hurt me a lot.

and how am i going to church tomorrow? im in "the outside". the rest are inside. i wasn't like that. but i recently have become like that. ever since i entered SF, i've had a hard time.

Lord, help me. get out of this rut.

im feeling terrible.