just talked to christine. i feel like a big sob now. why do i seem so disconnected with the whole of sy?

why can't i connect with them. why does everyone have close friends. while i have none. or should i put it this way, why does everyone have so many close friends while i only have like, one or two? maybe only one.

am i so hard to understand? i thought i'm the simplest to understand. everybody seems to think so, too. but the fact is, the outer me is so easy to understand. the inner me is pretty easy to understand. but me, just me, is hard to understand. and hard to know.

and it's just hard to get along with, probably. is that i'm being hard to understand, or is it them? why can't i get close to sy? i don't seem to see anybody who shares anything in common with me.

and that's why i love band so much. because i love my section, i love leanne and wenyuan and chloe and sarah and kaijun and kym and janine and emily and i just love band! leanne and i share much more in common. we all can't really get along with our classes. just in different ways. hers being the much more severe one. i just can't connect with my class, her class hates her. and wenyuan and i share much more in common. just leanne and wenyuan share more in common in me compared to sy-ians. i find sy-ians... quite petty and small headed.

why am i so weird? why does everyone who knows me thinks i'm weird. i feel like Heather from America's Next Top model cycle 9 now. that girl with autism. just that i don't have autism. i just have trouble getting along or something. oh god.

like why do i like oldies? why do i like westlife? why do i like clay aiken? why do i like ant and dec? why do i like the weirdest shows? why do i like the weirdest shit!

why do i react the weirdest ways? why am i so weird? i don't think that's actually being called unique, i think it's called weird. unique is everybody. weird is just people like me. it's not a good thing, no it isn't.