had church today. no mood at all. sf spoils it all. sf, one big family. bullshit man. why's everything so screwed and pretentious in sf. it's supposed to be Student FELLOWSHIP. FELLOWSHIP.

i was reading a fellow churchmate's blog. her new year resolution or so i think was to have more friends in church. ...?! it's like saying. "I want to be more popular" and stuff like that. If you so happen are good friends with everybody and can get along very well then whatever, you're born popular. but if you can't, why want to be? it's this whole big family concept. you know everyone who enters sf wants to be part of the big family. and everyone in the big family doesn't care about people who aren't in the big family. everything's so.... pretentious.

and the fact is that this big family isn't such a family afterall. everybody isn't really close to everybody. and everything is so on the surface. maybe i'm speaking from a loner, an outsider's point of view. but it's so true.

dammit. WHY SO UNHAPPY.

yay there's school tomorrow! to save me from my rubbish. hmmmmm, i'm thinking of buying my own mouthpiece. so it's like MY OWN! but brando just bought two bass trombone mouthpieces. isn't it a waste if i buy my own. BUT I WANNA CARVE MY NAME ON IT! HOW COOL! it's called the cheryl mouthpiece. MY MOUTHPIECE. gahhhhh nevermind i'll do that when i graduate and get myself one.